


Intruder Alert

by Choriyon



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Fluffy Ending, M/M, Male Pyro, Maskless Pyro, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 20:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8682832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Choriyon/pseuds/Choriyon
Summary: Someone was rummaging through their refrigerator late at night. 
Scout felt sick as fuck, but he wasn't going to let the intruder leave with his valuable sandwich.





	

He was hungry.

The Pyro was clutching his pillow and lying restlessly on his bed. The mercs made their own cooking schedule in such a way that Soldier had the least number of days to cook per month, and the lot of them had marked their calendars of the specific dates. 

Why? Because meals made by the American patriot leads to the increase in the number of clogged toilets in their base. 

This is why more than half of the members were ready for this particular night: The Medic, Spy and Engineer bought their own food, and the Sniper hunted that night, completely evading the dinner table. The Heavy begged the doctor to share some of his food with him, while the Demoman only had beer for supper, not because Soldier was cooking, but mainly because he usually has beer for dinner every night.

The only one who wasn't warned about the event was Scout, who engulfed nearly half of the slightly uncooked and somewhat spoiled steak before realizing what day it was, and the Pyro, who came in late for dinner because he was too busy drawing. 

The Soldier didn't think twice about consuming his creation, but he suffered the consequences and ended up throwing up every now and then.

Pyro opted not to eat anything for dinner, so he went straight to bed.

However, he woke up at around 1 am feeling famished as fuck.

"Damn it...", he muttered. He was already in his usual unicorn onesie pajamas sans his mask, and he made it a rule to never, ever leave his room once he was already comfy and ready to sleep. He hated having to get up when he was already huddled under his blankets, ready to snooze. 

However, his hunger kept him conscious for the past few hours. If he wouldn’t do anything soon, he was going to end up groggy and sleep deprived tomorrow. 

Pros of leaving the room: He would be able to eat, and in turn his stomach will finally allow him to sleep.

Cons of leaving the room: He might bump into someone while he was wearing his bedtime get up. 

He didn't want to put on his mask, since he was going to take it off anyway. Also, it was already late at night, so the probability of people roaming around at this time is low, making his plan more plausible. 

Was he going to leave the room without his mask? 

The fire starter analyzed the situation when his stomach rumbled as if to coax him to continue with his plan. Pyro nodded to himself, and proceeded to leave his room after putting on his pink bunny slippers.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fuckin' Soldier... Fuckin' steak..."

The Bostonian was mumbling as he dragged himself through the hallway, both arms clutching his stomach.

Like Soldier, he needed to make several visits to the lavatory. However, it seemed like his systems were late to register the fact that he has eaten rotten food, which was why his symptoms were delayed.

He finally reached the lavatory, but Scout quickly glanced towards the direction of the kitchen.

The lights were left switched on. 

His expression went from that of pain to a look of confusion. 

"What the... who left da lights on?" he asked silently, voice strained due to his discomfort. 

After a few seconds of careful walking, he arrived at the entrance of the kitchen and his eyes met with a pair of golden orbs on a panicked face.

"…Who da fuck are you?"

The man he saw was about Scout's age, maybe older, but was only a few inches shorter than him. He had tan skin and short brown locks that were messily arranged on his head, and he was wearing a pink onesie which had a lot of unicorn designs. His body was hunched towards the refrigerator, and he was holding a milk jug, as if ready to take it with him when the time was right.

He looked slightly jumpy but remained silent because his mouth busy munching on a sandwich which looked too familiar to Scout.

"Yo, is that MY sandwich?"

"... Nrr..."

The Scout charged towards him in a careful manner so as not to upset his already upset stomach, and the man jerked backwards to evade the movement. However, Scout managed to grab him by the collar, shaking him up and down.

"That's my fuckin sandwich ya intruder! Who gave ya the right to come in and steal from our stash - "

Pyro pushed him away and tried desperately to stand up. 

This was not part of his plan.

Abort. Abort. aBORT - 

He quickly grabbed on to the table and moved towards the entrance, but Scout jumped on him before he could break away.

"Where d'ya think you're going ya punk?!" 

The force of Scout's jump forced them both to the floor, leaving them in an entangled mess of limbs, bologna, and tomatoes. 

Scout nearly punched him square in the jaw, but the Pyro managed to hit him in his most vulnerable part: his upset tummy.

"Aagh!" The Bostonian doubled over and hugged his abdomen, leaving Pyro free to stand and make a hasty escape.

"I'm so, so sorry Scout! I'll make it up to you, I swear!" The Scout noted his hispanic accent. Who the fuck was this dude and how the hell did this guy get in here?

He was physically unable to move, so Scout lay slightly still on the ground, both eyes closed as he winced at the pain. "Wait! Get back here ya moron - uugH! You’ll fuckin’pay for dis ya dumbass!”

The fire starter wasn't able to think straight because all that was on his mind right now was to get away from the boy, so he left Scout suffering in the kitchen floor. Hopefully someone else heard the commotion. He hated having to leave his teammate in pain but he was not going to stay for him; it was too risky. 

He finally made it to his room after a few seconds of silent and hasty running, and he quickly locked the door behind him.

Pyro sighed to himself. He was going to have to apologize tomorrow.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"And tha fuckin’ moron punched me in the gut!"

Scout was angrily relaying his experiences to Sniper as they rested after a whole day of capture the flag in 2fort. They were both seated near the entrance of their base, drinking beer with Demo as they cooled off. It was late in the afternoon, and the winds were starting to go from hot to chilly.

"Wot did 'e look loike? Are ya sure that ya don't know the bloke?"

"I haven't seen him before evah! Didn't Engie say dat we had state 'a the art security shit? How da hell did some dude in a pink onesie get past our defenses?"

"A onesie?" asked Demo. He was nearing his third bottle of Scrumpy.

"Ya, and dat wasn't da weirdest thing!"

The Engineer overheard their conversation from his resting spot, so he approached the trio since he got a bit curious about the guy who got past his flawless security system. "Then what was the weirdest thing about him?"

Scout smirked a little. "He was wearing bunny slippers. I mean, by lookin' at what he was wearin', ya can assume that he wasn't intentionally intrudin’ our base for the intelligence. I dunno, it was like he was just some hobo stealin’ food."

"Roo, ya still haven't described the bloke."

"Oh yeah. Well I'm pretty sure that he's Spanish or Mexican or somethin, he kinda had the look and accent. Looked pretty tan and had short brown hair which was kinda wavy. Also he had da most gorgeous set of eyes I’ve evah seen. Golden brown.”

A silence followed, and it was enough to make Scout realize what he just said. Demo smirked at him, while Sniper looked at the stars to hide his grin. The Engineer let out a small chuckle. 

Scout blushed slightly. “I-I meant dat imma sock him in da face if evah I see his fugly face again!” The man jabbed the air for emphasis, and looked at his companions. “Don’t get any weird ideas, ya morons!"

“Sit still lad, we didn’t say anything.”

“But ya were implying it!”

"I don't think I’ve ever seen the man you’re describing, pardner", Engie mumbled. He was feeling nervous. Some guy in a pink onesie just got past his customized security systems. The Administrator might have another serious talk with him if ever the news would reach her. 

"What if ye were dreamin, lad? Solly's dishes can make a man go ta hell and back. Maybe ye just had too much of the stuff."

Scout looked quite flustered. "Hell naw Cyclops! I mean, the doc found me lookin’ fuckin’ sick on the floor and dat's enough ta prove he exists!"

"Alright calm down boy, I believe ya”, The Engineer stood up and started to leave. “I'll check the systems to see if it malfunctioned."

Sniper stood up as well and took his last beer bottle. He was assigned to prepare the meal that night, so he needed to get ready. 

The Scout released a frustrated sigh. “Whatevah.”

He stood up and ran towards the base. “At least I know Mumbles will believe me. He always fuckin’ has.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Apology letter? Check.

Potato chips? Check.

Fruit basket to make up for the sandwich he stole? Check.

A new sandwich?

The Pyro let out a huff of frustration. He wanted to make a new sandwich, but unfortunately Heavy beat him to it and used all the ingredients. There was no bread left, and all that remained was one slice of ham. 

This was why all he had to offer to the runner was a fruit basket. He had Engie buy one for him last week since he wanted to try drawing it like all the great artists do. 

Engie liked the fact that he was wanted healthy food so he complied. He even bought two more for the rest of the mercs, since they needed a source of vitamins.

Pyro taped the apology letter on a banana, then placed the potato chips next to the oranges. He picked the huge basket up, and left his room to look for Scout, who was looking for him as well. He left the base and went towards where Demo was still drinking. 

The Bostonian found him first, and he ran towards him with a huge grin on his face. "Yo Mumbles! Have I got a story to tell ya - "

"Scrrt!"

He stretched his arms and motioned for the lad to take the basket from him.

"... What's this?" He took it from the firebug's hands and noticed the apology letter with lots of butterfly scribbles around it.

Sorry for eeting your sandwich and punching you in the stomac :((( Here is a bunch of halthy froots so that you would get better!

Scout continued to stare at the piece of paper, so Pyro felt the need to explain himself.

"Thhr whs nrrh mrrh brrrhd! Rrngie brrht frrts cuhs rrh nrrhdhd rrt fhr drrwrhng, rrhnd srhnce Hrhvy rhsd urp rhll thrr hrrnghrdhnts fhhr shnwrrch mrhking, I – ”(There was no more bread! Engie bought fruits 'cuz I needed it for drawing,and since Heavy used up all the ingredients for sandwich making, I - )

"Dat was you?"

The mumbling abomination faced the floor and toyed around with the dirt using his boots. "Srry."

Instead of feeling rage, Scout chuckled, then laughed out loud. "Why didn't ya tell me in the first place, dumbass?"

"Mrrh mrrrth wrhs frrl, ernd yrh rrhtrcked rght rrwhy." (My mouth was full, and you attacked me right away."

"Oh ya, sorry 'bout that... To earn my forgiveness, ya need to do something for me."

The Pyro had a mini heart attack. 

"Ya gotta help me finish all these potato chips."

"Hrrh?"

Scout smiled, blushing slightly. "Come on Mumbles, ya can eat with me cuz I saw your face anyway. Let's go to my room and hang out before Snipah finishes dinner."

The Pyro didn't know what to say. He has spent a lot of time with the Scout, but he was never invited to his room before. "Chn rr brrng mrrh chrlrd phrrncrls?" (Can i bring my colored pencils?)

"Yeah, sure. I got comics there too, maybe ya wanna try and doodle some of da superheroes dere."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pyro whistled while doodling in his coloring book, while Scout was extremely focused on reading his comics.

Scratch that, Scout was not even looking at the comics. His attention was solely on his companion, and he was just using the comic book as an excuse to steal a glance every now and then. He was feeling a bit nervous, and he didn't know why.

Actually he fully knew why but he was just denying it.

"Yo, aren't ya gonna eat some chips?"

"Hmm?" The Pyro looked at the bag of chips on the floor. "I'm nrrt hrrngry."

"Oh come on, ya know I can't finish this all on my own! Also ya fuckin promised ta eat the chips with me."

The masked man tilted his head like a curious kitten, and stared long and hard at Scout. "Yrrh jrrst whrnt mrrh trh trrhk erf mrrh mrrsk, hrrh?" (You just want me to take of my mask, huh?)

"Please?"

"Frhn."

So he did. Scout stared again, and watched Pyro as he took off the mask. His gaze followed the hands that slowly pulled off the gas mask until he finally saw the same eyes he locked with last night. 

Holy shit.

Scout didn't realize that he was staring until the pyrotechnician waved his hands in front of his face. "Hey Scout, are you ok - OW! Dios mio!"

His fist went straight to the Pyro's face. The man recoiled in shock and whisered a few Spanish swear words. He shot him an angry look. "What was that for!?"

"That", started Scout, as he began to think of an excuse, "...was revenge Mumbles. I told Demo that I was gonna sock ya in da face so deal with it!"

“I thought eating chips with you was enough!”

“Ya left me sufferin’on da cold floor last night!”

“…Touché.” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I think I know who this mystery person is."

The Spy was closely inspecting his cigarette. He was already seated near the dining table, waiting for the Australian to serve the meal. Surrounding him were the Heavy, the Demoman and the Engineer. The Medic was nearby as well, but he was somewhat more silent than normal.

"Well Spah, who is it?" asked the Engineer. He was passing out the plates and utensils with Heavy. 

The Medic quickly interrupted before Spy could say anything. "I don't zhink ve need to know, Herr Engineer. Like I said, zhe Scout vas most likely hallucinating, vhich is a side effect of consuming any dish made by Herr Soldier."

"Aye! I told ye the young lad was seein' stuff."

"The Scout was what?"

All heads turned to the dining hall entrance. Scout was bringing a huge basket of fruits, while Pyro stood behind him, waving his hands to greet the rest of the team. 

The Frenchman smirked. "Nothing, mon ami. We were just discussing your silly little crush on that boy who attacked you last night. He had… hmm, how did you phrase it… ‘The most gorgeous set of eyes you’ve ever seen’?” 

Scout jumped on him in less than a second, and strangled Frenchman, who was too busy laughing in between his snorts. 

“SHUT THE HELL FUCK YOUR FUCKIN’ MOUTH YA BACKSTABBIN’ SHITFACE!”

**Author's Note:**

> omg this is my first fic... I wanna do more but i need more inspiration.
> 
> This was supposed to be longer, but I am extremely busy with work so I had to cut it short... Maybe I'll post an epilogue next time?


End file.
